The Stages of Feelings.

Well, it's getting down to the wire now. On Wednesday, it'll be 3 weeks til I report to the MTC. And I can't begin to describe the feelings I'm having. I'm feeling so many different feelings that I never thought I'd have. This whole process for me has just been a rollercoaster of feelings.

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I remember back on July 16th when I decided that I was going to go on a mission. That experience with President Barrett was and is such a sacred one. Those feelings of peace and comfort from my Heavenly Father were so overwhelming. I'd never felt like that before. I remember thinking that I wanted to be on a mission that instant after I'd talked to President Barrett. What an inspired man he is. My life is only blessed to have him be such an influential part of my young adult life.

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After my papers were submitted on August 2nd, it seemed so surreal to me that this was actually happening. I couldn't believe it - it just didn't seem real. Especially after my interview with my dad. Once again, those feelings of a loving Heavenly Father came swirling back. And at that instant, I knew once again that this was the right thing for me at this point in my life. I was so ready to go conquer the world. To go teach the the people of the world that the restored gospel is on the earth again. To bless my spirit brothers and sisters with the happiness and joy the gospel brings.

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When that call was opened on August 16 - just one short month after my decision was made to serve a mission - it was all real to me. I remember holding that call, my hands just shaking. I was holding a letter from the Prophet who had received revelation from God to let me go serve HIS children. He's putting his faith and trust in me to help His children. Woah. What a great responsibility that is. The realization as I was opening that big, white envelope was that this was it. There was no turning back. I was going to do this. I was going to leave my family for 18 months to serve the Lord faithfully. That's when I started to get nervous.

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The months have just ticked by and I've been trying to prepare for this great adventure ahead of me. I've heard that those are the hardest months between opening the call and reporting. I was lucky it is just a mere 3 months. Any longer I'm afraid would be too long for me. The hardest thing for me hasn't been the temptations or anything like that. It's been the feelings of inadequacy. The feelings that I'm not prepared enough. I don't know enough about the gospel. Or scriptures. My amazing Father in Heaven knows just what I need though. He inspires my missionaries what they need to write to me in letters. He knows that I needed to read Neil L. Anderson's talk 'You Know Enough'.

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And now as I'm under a month, I've just been sheer nerves and excitement. Nervous because I want to do fantastic and I want to learn all I can and be fluent in Spanish. I want to learn everything possible at the MTC and learn it perfect to a t. I'm so excited to embark on this new adventure in my life.

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I've just seen a girl that I was in the Youth Program with just come back from her mission to Arizona. I just read a blog entry from Dawna [a sister missionary that served in Wisconsin when I was in jr. high] talking about the end of her mission. And it just makes me sad. Knowing that I'm going to have to leave those amazing people I will grow to love. Those people that were my family for 18 months of my life.

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But, despite all the feelings, I'm just taking it day by day and getting more and more excited as the days go by. I'm ready to go and do!